I was sitting in Adoration yesterday, having just read the next chapter in Revelation, the book I'm currently working through, and I realized that deep down, I've got this assumption that any digging for a deeper or more personal meaning would leave me disappointed. Now, granted, Revelation is a tough one when it comes to looking for personal revelations in the wild visions and detailed imagery, but what came to me was that maybe the problem I was having was less of a literary problem, and more of a memory problem. I don't know what brought it up, but I was floored when I thought about how many times God had reached me through the most random or seemingly uninspiring Scripture passages. If I'm honest with myself, the times in prayer when my breath is taken away, or I break out in a cold sweat, or what were seemingly insurmountable obstacles or unanswerable questions are all of a sudden and effortlessly conquered, it's always been through some small passage in Scripture.
Often, however, I merely allow an insight I heard once in reference to the passage I'm reading to come up again in my mind, as if it will suffice to at least think a little deeper than what is happening on the surface of the passage. But, rarely does this bring me consolation; it's more of an exercise of obligation: "Here's the passage; now here's a deep thought about it. Done." Other times, I'll subconsciously tell God that the passage has nothing to offer me right now, so I guess I'll just have to move on; they don't all speak to you, right? Obviously, my hidden motivations in both of these instances are a lack of patience, and a lack of faith that God is willing or able to talk to me through Scripture. Either way, I walk away with some level of frustration that I've wasted my time, and that Scripture isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's going to be that much harder to go back to it the next day, but I'll probably cover that up with an excuse about not having enough time.
There are times, however, (and how easily I forget them!) when it's almost too much; I get an overwhelming answer to a deep longing that I had buried out of disappointment, or an answer I absolutely needed before I could be expected to take another step forward. My first inclination is to say that these experiences are few and far between, but honestly, that's not true. I think I hold on to that idea so that it's God who hasn't done His part, as if it's Him who so often leaves me hanging. If I'm honest, though, what's few and far between are the times when I'm patient enough or needy enough to expect great things, and even then, He doesn't always wait for these circumstances to reach through to me. When it does happen, both mind and heart are blown away, and I am overjoyed and deeply grateful that God has not allowed my doubts, my resentment, or my impatience to keep Him from giving me such a personalized gift.
I thought about giving an example or two, but it's amazing how when someone shares one of these incredible experiences with Scripture, very rarely is the other able to relate or "catch the feeling." I think this is because what we get through Scripture is too simple—it reaches us at such a foundational level that when we try to put words to it, it comes across as sounding like something we've heard a million times already . The difference, however, is usually seen in the face of the one sharing and in their tone of voice. Something very real has happened.
So, because I can't share body language or tone of voice here, I can only say that during my time in Adoration yesterday, I decided to stay awhile, with my Bible open, and not be so quick to leave the seemingly inapplicable passage about angels with trumpets and fire-breathing horses without asking God, with humble expectation, what it is He would like for me to hear today, and patiently await His beautiful, intimate answer.