Family Prayer: Worth the Battle!

When we first started praying together as a family, it felt much more like an effort to nail Jell-o to the wall than any kind of communal spiritual experience.  The kids were completely unable to sit still, and it being the end of the day (right before bedtime), our patience had all but run out.  So, we resorted to tyrant-mode and began to perpetuate the idea that anything having to do with prayer, God, or religion are all akin to eating vegetables and life in a prison camp.  Needless to say, it looked nothing like our picture of what family prayer was supposed to be, which was something like St. Therese's family gathered in mystical contemplation.  

The Advent Season rolled around, however, and things quickly changed.  We gathered around an Advent wreath, which meant there was a lit candle.  All of a sudden, everyone was sitting still, they were focused on the prayers, and they'd even rush to find a seat when it was time to pray.  We quickly realized that it was because the opportunity to sit around a lit candle, especially when someone had to be responsible for blowing it out, was almost as good as a cartoon.  It was something to look forward to, especially as they watched more candles being lit each week (which meant they didn't have to take turns blowing it out anymore). We'd alslo end the prayer by singing "O Come, O Come, Immanuel," which was easy to learn and fun to sing, especially because it meant the candle blowing was just around the corner.

So, you can imagine that once Advent was over, we had no problem finding another candle (or three) to light during prayer time and another song to sing at the end.  We've been doing family prayer for a few years now, and though the candle lighting slowly faded away, we still finish with a song (usually "Immaculate Mary" or some other easy song that fits the liturgical season), which is sung loudly, even by those who can't pronounce all the words (Ave Maweeeee-ah!!).

Another thing we've found to be helpful is allowing each child to participate with personal prayers using a simple daily examen: what are you thankful for, sorry for, what do you want Jesus' help with?  My parents used to do this around the Advent wreath when I was young, and it made it easy to focus and make great strides in my understanding of God and prayer, even as a child.  It was during this time that we were able to ask big questions about God, and we wondered aloud why we couldn't see Him or if He could really hear us.  I'm sure it challenged my parents, but they were able to address those big questions, and even more importantly, we were able to see them in action.  We knew it had to be possible to communicate with God and  to understand His will for us because we were watching them do it.  We were able to hear their very concrete reflections on His presence and actions throughout their day. 

Even when I was a teenager, my siblings and I appreciated this time and were able to enter in with relative ease.  It was during those later years that my dad began to ask us our thougths and reflections on a particular Scripture passage, which helped us grow in our ability to think below the surface and appreciate Scripture.  It was usually his thoughts and reflections (and those of my mother) that I would hold onto and build upon as I grew up.

As kids, we would still fight over who got to blow out the candle, often by slowly climbing up onto the table as the song came to an end, and we weren't always focused, but we were learning, step by step, that real prayer is possible, and God is accessible.

Ultimately, what has made family prayer easy for us is that the kids now know what to expect.  We've created a tradition, a ritual, which always points even the youngest child toward something greater.  Tradition makes the experience something valuable, something familiar, a part of our identity as a member of this family, and in it we are able to watch as our children grow in their ability to understand who God is and how He works in the very real choices and circumstances of their daily lives.  And, though it's easy to lose sight of this, there is no better way to experience the reality that our home, our family, is a Domestic Church than through the rituals and traditions that become the foundation of faith for each child into their adulthood.